Empowerment

I like to feel sorry for myself, in order to make myself feel better. Quite ironic, but that is how it works. If something goes wrong, I convince myself I really have a bad life and I pile on the pity. In reality, I know there are tons and tons of people who are far worse off than me. And that I am in fact so fortunate with everything I have. In any case, one of the things that constantly upset me is that I always have to be the person that goes to the most trouble regarding basically anything. Why can’t I just be the one that doesn’t care? That will never happen, I guess, because I love to make people happy. And I know you shouldn’t just do stuff for others to expect something back, but at one point you are going to get tired and frustrated if no one ever does something for you. Something that is actually so sad, is that I am so very shocked nowadays when someone just does something ordinary for me. And it shouldn't be like that. I should be able to feel that I deserve it. And the simple reason for that is, I do deserve it. I deserve to be treated in a special way. If only I can demand it in real life, and not just on this blog.